CHanges.....

SO....
Let the rambling continue.
After some thinking and talking with my wonderful husband, and thinking some more and talking some more...I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. It was an easy decision, the thinking part was mostly , when ? Is this a good idea? Is this good for our family? Is this something I am passionate about?
So then about a month ago I started the process. Applying for Financial Aid, sending off for transcripts....calling people...planning.
During it all , something else happened. The nerves started, the excitement started, the thought process started..I am over planning. Thinking about how things might be in 4 -5 Years.
SO here it is folks, I am finally ready and have the ambition and the passion to go to school. I AM GOING TO BE A TEACHER!!
This fall I will start attending CWI. Then I will transfer over to BSU..Logan is very excited about that part! I can't believe I am taking this HUGE step, But I have the wonderful support of my husband and son and couldn't be more ready to embark on the CHANGE in our life!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS SUCKS!

Only Child?

I found my biological dad today. I called his wife, his ex wife( I was in their wedding when I was almost 8) I talked to her for awhile, I cried. I have 2 half brothers. They know about me. One lives in California and one in Montana. My dad called, he has a charcol drawing of me on his wall. wow.

Ramble

Well,

School is out in 5 days...or rather 5 more days of going to school and 7 more days until I go under the knife to get the 'ol Uterus taken out.
Logan is going to be in the second grade next school year and has made outstanding progress this year. I am so proud of him! He is growing up so fast!
This time next week I will be in a hospital bed, hopefully sleeping comfortably without pain. Logan will be at my parents house , hopefully sleeping. Walt will be holding down the fort at home.
I have been having dreams about babies the last week or so, expected I am sure. I am so ready for this to be taken care of. A little bit nervous about the pain..but hey, I can take it!!TTYL...after I get home!

Scared

So I have a total of three appointments this week, the first was Monday. I have been having issues with the womanly part of my life and body and went to the gynecologists . I have had a pretty abnormal history so I was trying to stay positive. While there , of course, they check blood pressure. It was very high. We decided to go on with the appointment and check it again at the end. Thinking maybe it was "white coat" syndrome. During the exam, lots of questions and several words. Hysterectomy, poly cystic ovarian syndrome, cancer....all a lot to take in. At the end, blood pressure still high, taken off BC pills, put on Progesterone and told to take Bp again that night or in the morning. So the next day get my Bp taken and its still really high, hence the appointment today with my regular DR. Friday is the blood work and pelvic ultrasound. I am trying to stay positive and relaxed. Taking deep breaths and really trying to let things go. Its not working very well. So please, if you read this, pray or do whatever you do that things will work out for the best whatever that may be. Thanks

More Randomness

Have been a bad blogger.

So my days are really kinda split up, crossing in the morning and afternoon and noon duty at Logan' s school. Kinda limits what I can do but I like seeing the kids.
Logan has started spelling tests this last month and is doing fairly well. He has some test anxiety, think he gets it from me. I was always that way in school.
I have been pretty tired lately , think it might be the cold weather.
Trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I have been listening to Christmas music since Thanksgiving. Need to get the decorations out. I love this time of year.
Giving is an awesome feeling, can't wait until Christmas morning.
I guess that's all for now, oh except that I want to say how excited I am for my friend "B" . They are getting their things ready to adopt and infant! She is such a good and loving mother, I know that the child they receive will be loved and cherished, taken care of and taught.
What a blessing.

Radomnessesss

It has been a long time since i posted anything, I have been a bad blogger again.

This post is exactly as it says, Random. Venting, thinking, praising and whatever else comes up.

I have found that I am very content. In life, in love just everything, yes, sometimes life gives me lemons and I don't always make lemonade..But I also realize that life is never perfect and that I must accept the bumps as well as i accept the smooth road. My dad used to honk his horn whenever he went over a speed bump, they just plain piss him off. For some reason I think we need these speed bumps to remind us to slow down in our lives. Not to take it all to seriously, to stop and smell the roses, or daisys or basil..you know just slow down and chill , look at life differently for a few seconds. I am not saying that i have nothing negative going on. I just choose to think about it differently. Maybe this is because once in my life it was so very opposite. Death at one point was calling me over and over. Maybe I learned something back then, with those counselers...maybe I learned to love myself..and that it is true, once you love who you are, things are different. It took years. I can really say though, I love me. I love the life I have, with its smooth roads and speed bumps and gutters too.

Now..how much and how many times can I say I love my little boy. Yeah he is six, sometimes a complete brat, swears on the way to VBS, has this thing about calling people a dork( by the way did you know a dork is a dolphin penis?) but He is my miracle! I cant imagine a mother letting something happen to her child, participating in the murder of her child. It boggles my brain. It makes me angry. It makes me ask questions i don't want the answers to. I love you Logan. I will never let anything happen to you. EVER.

School is about to start. supplies have been bought, clothes and shoes ( with the help of grammie) and Logan is ready! He is more of a clothes horse than I EVER WAS, of course, back then we did not have a mall. Dang, I am OLD.

Do you ever find yourself smiling for no reason? How about frowning for no reason? I was at my highschool reunion last month and an old friend kept telling me to smile...I did not know i wasnt...it kind of made me be aware of how my facial expressions might be mis-understood. And my posture...I noticed, when I relax my shoulders too much, i look like a fat hunchback..i am trying to be more aware of this and square my sho0ulders back a bit, besides it makes my boobs look good and my tummy less fat.

That seems like enough randomnessess for now.